Storm
The blue waves crashed against the shoreline, as my feet were buried in the golden sand. Skipping rocks and taking in the nice day, I suddenly saw a grey cloud hover over the water, with wind picking up incredible speeds. I immediately ran to the nearest place I could see with shelter, as the rain started to get heavy. Flashes of white filled the sky getting bigger every minute. Thunder followed not long after with big booms almost shaking the ground. I hid, terrified of what would happen, knowing I will not be leaving this place any time soon.
The story is good but around the end you said hid and I think you ment hide?
ReplyDeletenice story i think it would be better if you changed the placing of your words.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean by "changing the placing of your words"? Can you be more specific?
DeleteI like your story, but there are a few things you may want to change. Like you should put an indent at the beginning of your story and how did you suddenly see a cloud when clouds move fairly slowly. This sentence needs to be changed because the it doesn't make much sense, I immediately ran to the nearest place I could see with shelter, as the rain started to get heavy. you need a period betweenI hid, terrified of what would happen.knowing I will not be leaving this place any time soon. everything else is good though.
ReplyDeleteI liked your story. The one thing I noticed was when you say big booms. I dont think that you should say big booms, you could say something like loud thuds, or loud booms. also when you say white filled the sky would'nt the clouds be grey?
ReplyDeleteI agree with Donut the Duck.
ReplyDeleteNice story. Somethings I would change is in your last sentence. You should change 'will' to 'would' so it makes more sense. Also, you should change the colour of the sky to grey or a dark colour becuase if the sky was white it would be clear. I also agree with Donut the Duck.
ReplyDelete