Dentist
The sound of the drill pierced my ears as I tried relaxing my body in the dentist chair. The blazing light from above stung my eyes as they examined my teeth, checking each individual one which felt like hours. My mouth ached, and my saliva pooled in my mouth. The cavity became a deep crater as the tooth was finally filled.
"No more sweets for the rest of the day" the dentist warned,
but later that day I broke that rule as I took a bite into a sweet, savoury candy bar.
I like how you explained what was happening during your appointment , I could see what was happing in the story! But you were supposed to put a sentence before later that day from what the teacher said, other wise, great story!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you explained what was happening during the dentist appointment but I think you were supposed to put the prompt in the middle of a sentence so try and make that work out with your story. I really liked the details you put into the beginning and it helped me make a picture in my head. Great story!
ReplyDeleteYou have a creative plot line and have used very descriptive language. I feel like you can spilt your second sentence into two smaller sentences instead of one larger sentence.
ReplyDeleteI like your story line and description watch for punctuation errors though.
ReplyDelete