Summer
Accelerating slowly, pressing my foot on the gas as I cruise through the country, taking in the fresh air and green grass. The warm summer breeze makes me wish I was swimming in a cold pool, but that likely wouldn't happen as I still have a long journey to overcome. As I listen to the music on the car radio, my body sways back and forth as I pretend to be a dancer. As the day became night my adventure was almost over. It had been a long day and I knew It was time to rest my body, and continue my adventure tomorrow.
On the third and forth sentences you used the word "as" a lot so try to use different words. On the line where it say " I still have a journey to overcome." You should change the "have" to a "had" it just makes it a little bit more clear. Other than that great story! Keep up the good writing.
ReplyDeleteYou use the words: "it" and "I" a lot in your story. Try to replace those words with bigger and stronger words.
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