The Birthday Box
Walking down the stairs, noticing a shiny green wrapped box, I immediately started to stare, with eyes glued to the present. Thoughts were racing through my mind, as I began running through the house looking for my parents, noticing an empty house.
"Happy Birthday!" My parents hollered.
Being extremely surprised with a big smile on my face, I turned to give my parents a hug then ran to the present. Unwrapping the present, I put my hand in the box and felt the shoes I have been wanting forever. Just then my alarm beeped and I woke up stunned, remembering my birthday is six months away.
it is very good.
ReplyDeleteit is very good.
ReplyDeleteOn your fifth line you are missing an n at the end of the word then. I was surprised by the ending of your story and I liked the end of it.
ReplyDeleteI like your story but the part with i turned to give my parents a hug the ran to the present maybe change it to i turned to give my parents a hug then ran to the present.
ReplyDeleteI really like the ending of your story. It's very realatible from my dreams then I'd wake up realizing it was just a dream.
ReplyDeleteGreat story plot line! I like how people can relate to your story, especially with the part about you waking up and finding out that it was all a dream. You got your tenses mixed up a bit, so you should choose to stick with either past tense or present tense.
ReplyDeletegood story i really like the end i thought it was really funny
ReplyDeleteI liked the ending of your story the two things I would change is in your first sentence. Instead of 'glued at the present' it should be 'glued to the present.' Also, instead of saying your birthday is six months away it should be your birthday was six months away.
ReplyDeleteYour story is really good I like the plot twist very creative idea.
ReplyDeleteWHY DO YOU WANT SHOES?!?!?!?!????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????
ReplyDelete